What to Do When a Flare-Up Strikes (Even If You Thought You Were “Done” with Pain)

Why worry, doubt, and confusion are the true fuel for flare-ups — and how to stop the spiral before it starts

Photo by Matthew Menendez on Unsplash

A few weeks ago, I gave myself something rare and precious: a full week off. No client sessions. No to-do lists. Just space for stillness — reading, hiking, journaling, napping, meditating, stretching into long mornings and unhurried evenings. It had been a full-on first quarter, and I needed time to recalibrate.

But life had other plans.

Just before my week of rest, my mother texted me. She’d found cheap flights and wanted to visit. We’d talked about her coming to see the new place, and I thought, “It’s only one week later. I’ll still get my time.” I said yes and moved my holiday.

And then the pain started.

It began the day I picked her up from the airport — just a twinge in my back. Nothing dramatic. Nothing I haven’t felt before. I brushed it off, chalked it up to travel or excitement. I kept leaning into joy and presence, reminding my nervous system that all was well.

But by the next morning, the pain had taken over. Turning in bed hurt. Walking required effort. My go-to tools — movement, breath, somatic tracking — helped a bit, but the relief never lasted. As the week went on, the pain got louder… and so did my worry.

And that’s when I knew: something was up.

In that moment of rising fear, I knew I had a choice.

I could feed the spiral — worry, doubt, confusion — or I could pause.

And pausing is where healing begins.

You see, flare-ups are rarely just about tissues or posture or something you “did wrong.” Often, they’re your nervous system sounding the alarm because a deeper need has gone unmet.

So I asked myself the question that forms the core of my flare-up protocol:

“Is there something that has happened recently, is happening now, or will happen soon that could be affecting my nervous system?”

Holidays aren’t inherently stressful for me, so that wasn’t it. And I was glad to see my mum, so I dismissed that too.

But a few days later, it hit me like a wave:

It wasn’t about my mum.

It was about me.

I had overridden my own needs. Again. I’d promised myself deep rest. And instead, I’d reshuffled everything to prioritise someone else. I’d stretched beyond my capacity — with a smile on my face.

And my nervous system was letting me know.

The Turning Point: Listening Instead of Fixing

Naming the emotional truth didn’t make the pain vanish instantly. But it was the beginning of a shift.

The day my mum left, I gave myself the day to do absolutely nothing. I read, I napped, I lounged. And that day changed everything.

By the next morning, the pain was gone.

Because I had finally stopped overriding my body’s wisdom. I had stopped “managing” my symptoms and started listening to what they were trying to tell me.

This is why it’s so important to have a flare-up protocol — a set of gentle, compassionate steps you can turn to when symptoms threaten to send you spiralling.

Your Flare-Up Protocol: What to Ask, What to Do

Here are the questions I turn to now — and that I invite you to keep on hand for the next time your nervous system sounds the alarm.

1. Could this be an extinction burst?

When your symptoms flare after a period of improvement, this may be an “extinction burst” — a sign your brain is integrating new neural pathways and the old pain circuits are losing their grip. (This is common during healing, and yes, it can be uncomfortable.)

In my case, this didn’t apply — I hadn’t had pain in years. But for many of my clients, this is the first question to ask.

2. Has something happened recently (or is something coming up) that could be triggering your nervous system?

Look beyond the obvious. Stress isn’t always loud. It can be subtle — a tiny betrayal of your own needs, a shift in environment, a conversation that left you uneasy.

Ask yourself:

• What’s different about my routine, relationships, or inner world?

• Am I pushing through something instead of honouring my boundaries?

• Have I acknowledged how I really feel?

3. What story am I telling myself about the pain?

Worry, doubt, and confusion fuel the threat response.

“What if it’s something serious?”

“Why is this happening again?”

“What if it gets worse?”

When these thoughts come, pause. Label them. They are just that — thoughts, not truths.

You’re not regressing. You’re human.

4. What can I do to soothe my nervous system?

This is your opportunity to shift from fear to safety.

Pull out your sensory anchors:

• Wrap yourself in a blanket

• Hum a tune

• Sip a warm drink

• Lie on the ground

• Look at a photo of someone who makes you feel safe

• Step outside and feel the breeze on your face

Use movement, breath, voice, or connection to remind your system: “This moment is safe.”

You don’t need to have all the answers. You don’t need to figure out the pain. You just need to do one thing:

Make safety louder than fear.

A Gentle Invitation

Flare-ups are not failures. They are messengers.

When you stop fighting them, and instead pause to listen — with honesty and compassion — you create the conditions for your nervous system to soften, and for healing to resume.

So next time the pain spikes, ask:

What is this moment really asking of me?

And then offer it, without judgement, one breath at a time.

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