Self-Compassion for Chronic Pain: Healing the Body by Befriending the Parts Inside
Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash
The day it clicked for me, I wasn't meditating or reading a pain science study.
I was lying on my sofa, breathing through another flare-up, trying not to spiral. And I had this image flash through my mind: a circle of frightened voices all shouting over each other inside me.
One part was panicking: "What if this means the pain is coming back for good?" Another was furious: "You knew you needed rest and you didn't take it!" And another was already trying to plan: "Let's fix this. Let's Google solutions. Let's do something, anything."
I realised I was trying to soothe pain, but I wasn't speaking to the part of me that was actually hurting. I was ignoring the frightened child, the angry protector, the exhausted fixer.
And in that moment, something softened. Because the pain wasn't the enemy. These parts, were just asking to be heard.
Why Empathy Alone Isn't Enough
In a past article, I wrote about why empathy can sometimes backfire when we're dealing with chronic pain. Feeling sorry for ourselves or absorbing our own distress might feel like compassion, but it often leaves our nervous system just as dysregulated as before.
But there's another layer here that many people miss.
The missing piece isn't just shifting from empathy to compassion. It's learning how to direct that compassion to the right parts of us. Because when we say "I'm in pain," what we really mean is: a part of me is afraid, or angry, or sad. And these parts aren’t soothed by logic or toughness. They are soothed by a kind presence.
Meet Your Inner Pain Team
Here's how I like to explain it to clients:
Think of your inner world like a team made up of different parts. None of them are bad. Each one is trying to protect you in its own way.
• The Alarmed Child: Feels the pain and panics. Asks, "Am I safe? Will this ever end?"
• The Protective Soldier: Tries to control the situation. Tenses the body. Gets angry.
• The Exhausted Manager: Spins in thoughts, ruminates, seeks solutions.
They each believe they're helping. But if no one's guiding the team, they end up shouting over each other. And your nervous system? It listens to the loudest voice.
So what if we didn't try to shut them up? What if we got to know them, one by one?
What Science Says About Soothing the Parts
There's a growing body of evidence showing how self-compassion helps regulate pain, and the mechanisms are fascinating:
• Brain Changes: Self-compassion activates the insula and anterior cingulate cortex (brain regions responsible for compassion, emotional regulation, and our sense of safety)
• Nervous System Regulation: Polyvagal theory tells us that cues of kindness and connection - like gentle touch, warm words, or simply feeling understood - help down-regulate fight-or-flight responses
• Reduced Pain Catastrophising: One pilot study using parts-based work with chronic pain showed decreased catastrophising (the tendency to magnify pain and feel helpless) and improved self-trust after just a few sessions
• Stress Hormone Reduction: Research shows self-compassion practices lower cortisol levels, which directly impacts inflammation and pain sensitivity
The key takeaway? When you turn toward a distressed part of yourself with warmth, your body often receives that as a cue of safety. And safety is the foundation of healing.
A 3-Step Practice
Here's a simple way to connect to the parts inside you, especially during a flare-up. This practice typically takes 5-10 minutes and can be done anywhere.
Step 1: Notice
Pause. Breathe. Place a hand on your body where you feel the pain or emotion. Ask: "What am I feeling towards this right now?"
Is it fear? Frustration? Hopelessness? Try to name the part. Don't worry if you can't identify it clearly at first - even sensing "something anxious" or "something angry" is enough.
Step 2: Name & Normalise
Let that part know that you understand.
"Of course you're scared. Of course you feel helpless. That makes sense given what you've been through."
This isn't bypassing or minimising. It's validating. And that validation creates space for something new to emerge.
Step 3: Nurture
Imagine offering something soothing to that part:
A gentle hand on the shoulder
A warm sentence: "I see you. I'm here. You've survived this before."
A few deep belly breaths together
Simply sitting quietly beside it, like you would with a friend in distress
This is compassion in action. It's not about fixing or changing anything. It's about staying present with what's here.
A Client Story: Rewiring the Pain Response
One of my clients, let's call her Sarah, struggled with a sharp pain in her back. It came on randomly and felt terrifying.
When we explored it together, she noticed a tight, angry energy in her chest. It felt like a protective guard dog, barking at any sensation it didn't like.
Instead of trying to relax or stretch it away, I invited her to sit beside that part in her mind.
She pictured it as a growling animal - exhausted and scared. She imagined placing a hand on its head and saying, "You don't have to guard so fiercely anymore. I'm listening now."
Her pain didn't vanish instantly. But that moment marked a turning point for her. The more she connected to the protector, the less severe the flare-ups became. Over time, her relationship with pain changed completely.
Sarah's experience mirrors what many clients discover: the goal isn't to eliminate the protective parts, but to help them feel safe enough to relax their vigilance.
The Ripple Effect of Compassion
Once you start relating to your parts with kindness, everything changes:
You sleep better because you're no longer battling your thoughts before bed
You move more freely because your nervous system isn't braced for threat
You make decisions with more clarity because you're not driven by fear
Your relationships improve because you're not carrying as much internal tension
Self-compassion doesn't just soothe pain. It transforms your whole life. And while some people notice shifts immediately, for most of us, meaningful change unfolds over weeks and months of consistent practice.
Simple Daily Integration
Beyond the formal practice, try this throughout your day: when you notice pain or tension, pause and ask, "What does this part of me need right now?" Sometimes it's rest. Sometimes it's movement. Sometimes it's just acknowledgment.
This single question can become a bridge between reactive suffering and responsive care.
Questions to Help you Reflect and Integrate
What part of you tends to shout loudest when you're in pain?
What would it look and feel like to sit beside that part instead of trying to change it?
Choose one moment today when you'll pause and ask a part of you, "What do you need right now?"
Healing happens in small, consistent steps. The most powerful healing doesn't happen through force. It happens through safety. So today, offer compassion not to the pain itself, but to the parts of you that carry it. Let them know they're not alone anymore. That you're listening. That you care. That you've got them. And that's how healing begins.
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Sources
Fox et al. (2016) – Functional neuroanatomy of meditation: A review and meta-analysis of 78 functional neuroimaging investigations
Di Bello et al. (2020) – The compassionate vagus: A meta-analysis on the connection between compassion and heart rate variability
Shadick et al. (2013) – A randomized, controlled trial of internal family systems therapy for depression and pain in patients with rheumatoid arthritis
Steffen et al. (2020) – Impact of a 12-week compassion-focused therapy group on heart rate variability and salivary cortisol
