Dear Therapist: A Space for Questions About Chronic Pain

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There's a particular kind of loneliness that comes with chronic pain.

Not just the loneliness of being misunderstood — though that's real — but the loneliness of carrying questions you don't quite know how to ask. Questions you turn over quietly. Questions that show up at night. Questions that feel too big, too tangled, or too vulnerable to say out loud.

What if this never goes away? How do I know if I'm making it worse? Can I trust my body again?

These questions live somewhere between medicine, emotion, and lived experience. They don't fit neatly into a doctor's appointment. They're too complex for Google. And often they feel too raw to share even with the people closest to you.

In my work with people living with chronic pain, I've noticed something again and again. It's rarely just the pain itself that keeps people stuck. It's the fear around it. The confusion. The self-doubt. The constant monitoring. The loss of trust in your own body. Sometimes a small reframe creates breathing space. Sometimes a moment of feeling genuinely understood softens the fear enough to make healing feel possible again.

That's what this column is for.

What Dear Therapist is

From time to time, I'll choose one question submitted by someone living with chronic pain and respond to it here, in the style of a letter. Not a clinical response. Not a checklist or a set of instructions. Something closer to what I'd offer if we were sitting together and taking the time to really look at what's going on.

Each letter will be anonymised and written with real care for what you're carrying. It will be grounded in pain science and nervous system understanding, but it won't lead with that. It will lead with you - with the emotional truth of what you've asked - and let the understanding emerge from there.

My intention is that each letter speaks to more than one person. Because chronic pain is deeply personal and at the same time, profoundly shared. You may find yourself in someone else's question even before your own is chosen.

What a response might look like

If someone asks "how do I know when to push through pain and when to rest?", I won't give you a rule or a formula. I might explore why that question creates so much anxiety in the first place, what it actually means to listen to a body that feels untrustworthy, and what a kinder, more collaborative relationship with sensation could look like. The aim isn't to give you the right answer. It's to help you feel more grounded, more resourced, and a little more able to find your own way forward.

What This Space Is Not

I want to say this clearly and gently: this isn't therapy. I won't be diagnosing, treating, or offering personalised medical advice. I won't be able to reply privately or offer follow-up through this format. If you're working with healthcare professionals, I hope this series can sit alongside that work; as a reflective space, a place to slow things down and look at pain from a different angle. If you're in crisis or need urgent support, please reach out to a healthcare professional or emergency service in your area.

How to Submit a Question

If you'd like to ask something, you can do so via the form below. You don't need to write perfectly or explain everything. A few honest lines are enough. I'll be drawn to questions that go beyond symptom management — ones that touch something emotional, relational, or existential. If your question is chosen it will be shared anonymously, and I may lightly edit it for clarity while staying true to your voice.

If you're reading this thinking "I don't even know how to put my question into words" — that's okay. Sometimes the most important step is simply noticing that a question is there.

I read everything. Nothing gets lost.

Warmly,

Jean

Have a question you’d like to submit? Click here to access the form.

If this resonated with you, I've created a free guide that explores all five key reasons chronic pain persists and what you can gently do about it.

📥 "5 Key Reasons Your Pain Becomes Chronic, and How to Break Free"

And if you feel the need to put your experience into words, you can also write to me via Dear Therapist.

If you’d like support on your journey, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to reach out, and we can have a friendly chat to see if my personalised approach is the right fit for you.

A gentle note
What I share here is intended to inform and support reflection, not to replace therapy. Reading this article doesn’t create a therapist–client relationship. If you’re looking for personalised support, working directly with a qualified professional is always the safest place to do that.