Dear Therapist: A Space for Questions About Chronic Pain

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There’s a particular kind of loneliness that comes with chronic pain.

Not just the loneliness of being misunderstood (though that’s real) but the loneliness of carrying questions you don’t quite know how to ask.

Questions you turn over quietly.
Questions that show up at night.
Questions that feel too big, too tangled, or too vulnerable to say out loud.

Questions like:

“What if this never goes away?”
“How do I know if I’m making it worse?”
“Am I doing something wrong?”
“Can I trust my body again?”

These questions live somewhere between medicine, emotion, and lived experience.
They don’t fit neatly into doctor’s appointments.
They’re too complex for Google.
And often, they feel too raw to share even with the people closest to you.

This space is for those questions.

What This Space Is

From time to time, I’ll respond to a question sent in by someone living with chronic pain, in the style of a “Dear Therapist” letter.

I’ll publish these responses here on Substack, choosing questions that I sense many people will recognise themselves in; not just the person who asked.

When I respond, I’ll be speaking to you directly, as if we were sitting together and taking the time to really look at what’s going on.

Each letter will be:

• Anonymised

• Written with care and respect for what you’re carrying

• Grounded in pain science, nervous system understanding, and lived experience

• Less about fixing, and more about shifting how you relate to what’s happening

Although each letter begins with one person’s question, my intention is that it speaks to many.

Because chronic pain is deeply personal and at the same time, profoundly shared.

What a response might look like

If someone asks, “How do I know when to push through pain and when to rest?”, I won’t give you a rule, a checklist, or a formula.

Instead, I might explore things like:

• Why this question creates so much anxiety in the first place

• What “listening to your body” actually means when your body feels untrustworthy

• How to tell the difference between protective pain and dangerous pain

• What it looks like to build a kinder, more collaborative relationship with sensation

The aim isn’t to give you the right answer.

It’s to help you feel more grounded, more resourced, and more able to find your own way forward.

What This Space Is Not

I want to be clear, and I want to say this gently:

This isn’t therapy.

I won’t be diagnosing, treating, or offering personalised medical advice here. I also won’t be able to reply privately to questions or offer follow-up through this format.

If you’re working with healthcare professionals, I see this series as something that can sit alongside that work not replace it.

Think of this as a reflective space.
A place to slow things down.
To look at pain from a different angle.
And perhaps to feel a little less alone with what you’re experiencing.

If you’re in crisis or need urgent support, please reach out to a healthcare professional or emergency service in your area.

Why I’m Doing This

In my work with people living with chronic pain, I’ve noticed something again and again.

Often, it’s not just the pain itself that keeps people stuck.

It’s the fear around it.
The confusion.
The self-doubt.
The constant monitoring.
The loss of trust in your own body.

Sometimes, a small reframe creates breathing space.
Sometimes, a moment of reassurance softens the fear.
Sometimes, learning to relate to your body with a little more kindness changes everything.

These things don’t magically cure pain.

But they can change the ground you’re standing on and that can make healing feel possible again.

This series is my way of offering that, gently and accessibly, to anyone who needs it.

How to Submit a Question

If you’d like to ask a question, you can do so via this form.

You don’t need to write perfectly.
You don’t need to explain everything.
A few honest lines are enough.

I’ll be drawn to questions that:

• reflect common struggles in chronic pain

• go beyond symptom management

• touch something emotional, relational, or existential

If your question is chosen, it will be shared anonymously. I may lightly edit it for clarity, while staying true to your voice and what you’re asking.

One Last Thing

If you’re reading this and thinking,
“I don’t even know how to put my question into words”, that’s okay.

Sometimes the most important step is simply noticing that a question is there.

And if this series helps you feel a little more grounded, a little less afraid, or a little more trusting of yourself then it’s doing exactly what it’s meant to do.

Warmly,
Jean

Have a question you’d like to submit? Click here to access the form.

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If you’d like support on your journey, I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to reach out, and we can have a friendly chat to see if my personalised approach is the right fit for you.

A gentle note
What I share here is intended to inform and support reflection, not to replace therapy. Reading this article doesn’t create a therapist–client relationship. If you’re looking for personalised support, working directly with a qualified professional is always the safest place to do that.